As EYE reflect days before the anniversary of my husband, EYE'm reminded that people "talk" about grinding HARD...but when you are an only child with both Mom and Dad deceased...AND a hubby who was murdered with the killers never brought to justice....AND people pulling on you here and there for this or that...and a town that doesn't support the truly positive or progressively thinking worth a DAMN (not unless they can make money off you FIRST and dumb you down to bow your heads and stroll behind them), you truly don't know WHAT "grinding HARD" and alone is. It's a struggle beyond proportions. It's a testament. It's perseverance that many "talk" but rarely WALK...alone. It's a RIDICULOUS journey...even when you're with someone. It's CRAAAAAZY RIDICULOUS when you're alone and on your own.
You'd be surprise how many people try to take advantage of that. You'd be surprise how many people think because you "appear" wounded that you're not aware of EXACTLY what's going on. You'd be surprised at what some folks will do....or SAY they will do...and DON'T. You'd be surprise of the excuses....and the constant "apologies" or "backstabs" that some EXPECT you to accept.
You'd be SURPRISE at how many people EYE let "live"...but just walking away. Military brats. We're soldiers like our parents. Don't tread on us....OR.
Going thru a "war" of society...of spirit...of ignorance...of jealousy...of insanity...of depression...of corruption....with your integrity and your mind and your skills AND your heart intact is NOT an "easy" thing to do. In fact, it's MIRACULOUS! It's something far too many "think" they can do...but when it comes to actually DOING...it's a different ball game. Many give advice on what they don't know...what they don't do...what they have NEVER been thru.
Many...don't have a clue. And want pats on the back for "riding backs." To those who DO...and continue to pursue YOUR dreams and goals REGARDLESS and in spite of, SALUTE from one who KNOWS...from one who DOES...from one who will tell you....TAKE CARE OF YOU...FIRST!
EYE come up on the anniversary of a loved one's birthday....and remember ANOTHER loved one who EYE lost in January of this year. One of the FIRST to reach out to me upon my husband's murder...even though SHE was outta-state and EYE had no way of know HOW she knew! #TwinSpirits A wonderful spirit who took care of far too many more than herself. EYE have learned from the life, lessons and influence of BOTH. And EYE vow those lessons shall not go for naught.
You may think EYE am here for "you"...but, truth be told, EYE am HERE for ME...FIRST. GOD's gift and charge. All else is gravy. Now....time to get refocus on the "main meal." And THIS TIME? EYE get to eat FIRST!
The GOoD thing? Connecting with those who TRULY get it and "worthy" of being on MY team. It's not about what EYE can do merely for "them." It's about what we REALLY can do for each other...or at the very least, they're not draining me of my resources merely because they're too damn "greedy" and "thirsty." Such an ugly trait...and DEFINITELY not welcomed NOR responded to on my (K)NEW journey.
Yeah...EYE said EYE was "off the grid." And EYE AM....for "others." In "maintenance" mode. Re-inventing and Restoring. RISING out of the ashes others left that EYE had to sweep away to discover my precious "coal" again. EYE am "off the grid" of what everyone else is doing.....and ON the grid FULLTIME (like the FULL MOON) for MYSELF and focused on what EYE am supposed to BE...and BE DOING.
Bout time! And sharing a REAL testimony...because don't you get tired of these fake ass mofos who talk this shit but they are everything BUT legit?! Hold 'em up to a little fire and watch 'em melt like cheap wax.
Maybe that's why EYE'm always burning candles and incense. To remind me....some things just need to be burned off to reveal a NEW flame...a NEW fire...a new air...a NEW story.
Or maybe EYE'm just a "pyromaniac-in-training" as one of my friends said. LOL You never quite know when you're dealing with a "Phoenix Oracle." We looooove keeping things HOT!!! Or maybe EYE just love the color reddish-orange. And lookie lookie...it just happens to be a Blood
HOLLA IF YA HEAR ME! ;-)