It's like Evie's "last breath" was the exhale of taking on too many problems not meant for me to have...trying to save too many people not worth saving while negating to save ME first.  Spending too much energy & resources with folks EYE should have cut off long ago. It's like....when she was "going" over the past year, she was forcing me to separate, keeping me close to "home" and cutting me off from the waste and drama which brought me no gain, ONLY drain. She allowed me the peace to hit the track, hit the gym, hit the park, hit Starbucks...and maintain MY sanity and renew MY thoughts again without interference. SHE was a representation of me...DEFYING THE ODDS...and giving and giving and giving til you can't give anymore. But she was there for me...constantly reminding me...things MUST change...for the better. Things MUST be different THIS time around. Things AND people were to be looked at MUCH MORE "selectively." No more waiting. NO MORE "free rides" unearned. And no more giving more than EYE had to give. Time to put ME and MY needs first and damn the rest of the world which didn't matter to MY immediate "relevance."

Sidenote (and yet not so "side"): Funny thing (or not) about tombstones and funerals: 90% of the people who cry at them or holla how much they loooove you don't do a damn thing for you while you're living in all actuality. True DAT!

So, on her last breath, EYE wasn't angry...EYE wasn't upset...EYE wasn't sad. EYE was "thankful"...for everything she's been to me and given me. EYE had already seen it coming.  And EYE knew THIS was the beginning of a final page that had to play out...and the beginning of a NEW chapter with NEW characters to see and places to go...and NEW transportation to get me there. IJS  People say the "love you."  But, no matter what, EYE have YET to see all this "love" turn into a car. And it's not like some couldn't have helped.  But they chose not to...while in the same breath asking for favors from ME.  Hmm....you live and learn the "quirkiness" of human nature...and how to cut some people off at the pass from the start!

All through my trials and tribulations, my jobs woes, my community woes, my husband's murder, etc, it's been me and Evie with all the love we could give each other. She was there...when the bank account was low and non-existent...going on ONE MORE TIME for her Queen. My "ride-or-die." But ALL things have an ending. And it's time....for a NEW car...a NEW attitude...a NEW way to get where EYE'm supposed to be.

...Because let's face it. Where EYE'm going, "ducktaped bumpers" are not really gonna be the "in" thing. And SHE probably knew that more than EYE was actually ready to admit. It was GOoD while it lasted. But time to move on. Let's see what happens next. EYE am so "resigned" to her "passing on" and OPEN to the possibilities of betterment. And her "demise" represents the "death" of those things not to go back to. Under/innerstood...and smiling for the wonderful memories. LOVE YOU EVIE!!!!

What IS IT about THIS season?!!! Anyway...

"Carless"...but not hopeless. Let's see what miracle an Oracle can manifest next. Focused and ready for the challenge to go BEYOND!! ;-)




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